Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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