I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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