I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
