There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
