no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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