I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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