sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
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