He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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