My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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