dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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