he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
