Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
