but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
