His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
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Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
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She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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