My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
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Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
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that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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