if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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