i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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