After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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