okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
