I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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