Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
