Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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