I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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