I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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