maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
