I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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