My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
