im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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