if i can run in heels then i can drive
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
