just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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