the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
