All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
