i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I had to cum in my sink.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
