I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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