Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
