I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
