That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
