oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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