I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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