I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I touched a dick in church today
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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