god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
