maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
