i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
