I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
