i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My liver just had a heart attack.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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