one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
