I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
