okay pat passed out under dana's car
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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