I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
