If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
