there's paper in my vomit.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
