i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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