He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
