Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
