i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
