My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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