i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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