Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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