Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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