weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
