Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
