K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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