i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
