Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
