I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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