I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
