win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
